Cheers
Where everybody knows your pain
Decode the dress code. Say “tomorrow” to the pile of clothes beside the bed. Jam into stubborn shoes.
Ah, completely forgot they needed a shining. Maybe they look effortlessly vintage? Dishevelled is in the eye of the beholder, as they say.
“Wish we were hanging tonight.” The dog tilts her head as the door shuts in her face.
Slide stiffly into the car and pull on the seatbelt trying oh so hard not to wrinkle. Or sweat. Crawl through traffic. Feel that to-do list spore.
Finally. The door. Threshold to a fresh disposition. A freshold, if you will. Nice. Gonna use that later.
Big smile. Loving, awkward, enthusiastic handshake hugs. Who cares. Greetings are the best.
It’s so good to see you. It is. But why is that all I can think of to say. Maybe I’m not listening. Are you? I actually really want to be I swear.
That drink went down prettay easy.
Okey said hi to everyone I know. Cool cool cool. Is alcohol small talk fertilizer? Save it, too early.
Double, please. In a tall glass. For hydration. Tall enough to drown that “do-morrow” list, amirite? Nailed it.
Back in. We made it! Here we are! How lucky are we?
Actually though. Can you even comprehend what crazy marvel of physics, what miracles had to occur, what odds we had to beat for this right here to be happening? Can you? Ah shoot, did I lock the door.
What the heck man. Keep it in the room. This is a special occasion dammit. Save the worries for later when I’m tossing and turning in bed.
Wait. Is that a spoon hitting a glass? You bet. I’m no ENT but that for sure is a ceremonial throat clearing.
I do not recognize this guy. But he may as well be the mayor the way I’m mentally rolling out the red carpet for him for doing this.
Oohh some people seem to be nervous about what he’s going to say. I’m even more excited now. Here we go.
Whoa. His speech is like a cool wind on a mid-summer deck. Refreshing and energizing.
It is nice to be here. The world does need more of exactly what’s happening in this room. We should appreciate this fleeting moment while we have it.
Honestly it doesn’t matter all that much what he said. It was how. And that he took the time to tell stories and compliments you for some reason wouldn’t in “normal” life.
Really it’s the way that all these disparate parts of me that were meandering around imaginary places and problems were yanked right back into the room. How I can actually feel the ground under my feet, the love in the air. And gosh darn if everyone else isn’t in here feeling it too.
Every speech is unique, sure. But there’s only one thing I really want from each of them. Grab the whole room by the shoulders and shake. Make me unabashedly feel the most timeless of truths.
That we only get to do exactly this exactly once.
You can borrow that one. Cheers.
“According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death.
Death is number two. Does that sound right?
This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
―Jerry Seinfeld
Some ships sail the oceans.
Some ships sail the seas.
Best the best ships are friendships.
So here’s to you’s and me’s.
—
For your back pocket, from S w Love.
“The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard… Some of the best talkers are, on this account, the worst company.”
—William Hazlitt, On the Conversation of Authors (1820) shared in David Robson’s The Science of Having a Great Conversation
Roasted.
“Maybe this would have been obvious to someone who knew more about speaking, but it was a revelation to me how much less ideas mattered in speaking than writing.”
—Paul Graham, Writing and Speaking
Oof again.
“I know that freedom is earned by confronting things that embarrass and trigger you, over and over again, until you are cringe-proof in your desired environment.”
My journey with toasts. And I don’t regret any that I’ve done, even the stumbling bad ones. But I do regret a few that I almost did and then chickened out.
“I know that there are two modes of experience: appreciative, and evaluative. Concrete example: let’s say you’re listening to a piece of music. Are you sinking into it, awash in emotions? You’re in the appreciative mode. Are you the mixing engineer, listening to the snare hits to make sure they’re consistent? You’re in the evaluative mode. Much of sanity, and happiness, consists of finding the right mode for the right moment.”
Preach.
—Sasha Chapin, #40 and #27 of the 50 things he knows
“I grieve that everyone I love the most is so spread out that now it is physically impossible to be local to all of them at once.”
I do. And I think that fuels my reverence for a good toast.
"Jam into stubborn shoes." is such a vivid, visceral and well-observed line. Killer stuff.
(Also, yeah, oof to the Paul Graham quote. Reminds me of the time the head of my department at work said they never hear a word I say when presenting because they just love listening to the way I say things. Apparently I slip into a stand-up like patter? Dunno but, hey, the boss is happy.)
Gosh… I love your mind mate, and I’m so grateful for this read. Serendipitous that I was just taking notes on an upcoming bestman speech. Love you lots. Never change (except in the ways you want)!